Depression

Depression has affected my life in many way's and I wish that I could wash it away. I have never had something that has ruled my life, for months at a time. I had my first bout with depression in 1996. I had postpartum depression after all four of my kid's. I can remember crying for no reason, thinking negative thought's about myself, and wanting to run away from children. I have tried different type's of medication and been through the ringer with them. I tried Prozac, Lexapro, Celexa, Paxil, Wellbutrin, and some anxiety medication. I am currently taking Cymbalta and it works for me. I have anxiety, too. When my grandmother died, unexpectedly in 2006, my world literally crumbled. She WAS my rock. She protected at every angle she could. In her eyes, I done nothing wrong. She loved me for me. I never got help for my depression before my grandma passed away, because in her eyes if you depressed, that meant you were crazy. Grandma really believed that "depressed" people were crazy. I have figured out what "trigger" signs, that will bring on a depressed on moment. When, I am depressed I wanna cry, eat, sleep and I don't care about nothing in the world. When, Tyler, was 2 weeks old and Whitney, a year old, I remember walking through the woods to my mom's house and telling her, that if she didn't take Whitney and Tyler, I would probably hurt them. I have even went and had myself committed at UNC to help figure out, the kind of help I needed. I have been diagnosed with major depression issues and anxiety. I struggled for, six (6) hours and called many family members, to see if I should go seek the help I needed.. I didn't want people to think I am crazy, because I went an had myself committed. When I was in the hospital for 4 day's, I learned so much stuff about myself.  All, I hope is that if someone reads this blog and it helps them or someone they know, then I will be happy..